Relate counselling for PE

I have problems with premature ejaculation

Premature ejaculation is one of the most common sexual complaints estimated to affect approximately 30-40% of men. Some men are able to overcome the problem quite easily by becoming more aware of the sensations in their penis as they become aroused and engaging different techniques to slow themselves down. However, for a small percentage of the population, premature ejaculation seems to be a physiological phenomenon that can't be overcome.
Types of premature ejaculation
If you have a problem with premature ejaculation in every circumstance, ie on self masturbation as well as with a partner, then it may be that you are naturally a 'quick ejaculator'. From an evolutionary perspective it makes sense for man to ejaculate quickly and it seems that there is a percentage of men for whom this is the norm. It is part of the central nervous system response and there is a limited amount of things you can do. If you tend to have quick reflexes generally, then you are likely to ejaculate quickly as well. However, if you would say that generally you're quite laid back and relaxed in your responses then this may not be the case.
If you only experience the problem on intercourse or/and with a partner, then it's more likely to be to do with anxiety. Feeling anxious that you may ejaculate quickly is more likely to make you ejaculate quickly. And once your body has developed a habit of cumming quickly it can take quite a lot of work to slow down the response.
Self-help
There are a number of techniques that you can try. Either the Stop/start technique - which involves stimulating yourself or being stimulated nearly to the point or orgasm, allowing the sensation to subside and then stimulating again. Or the Squeeze technique where just below the head of the penis is squeezed just at the point of orgasm. Both of these techniques take a lot of practice and some time but gradually you should get a greater sense of awareness and control. Or you can try doing pelvic floor exercises which can later use to help to control ejaculation.
The only pharmaceutical option is the SSRI group of anti-depressants. You could see your GP to discuss using this, but you would need to discuss with him and your partner other implications of being on the drug and how long you would want to take it. Currently there are no other proven medical interventions though a couple of drug companies are currently trialling a new product which will hopefully become available soon.
Other sources of help
There is an excellent book on the subject by Metz and McCarthy called Coping with Premature Ejaculation which is available from Amazon or any large bookshop. Alternatively, or if you find self-help techniques aren't working, you could make an appointment to see a Sex Therapist at Relate. A therapist will work with you to establish an accurate diagnosis and tailor make a treatment plan to help you alone, or you and your partner to either overcome or manage the problem.

How Relate can help:

If problems in your sex life are affecting your relationship then you can make an appointment to see a Relate sex therapist. They will work with you and your partner to help you to build a mutually satisfying sexual relationship. Click here to find your nearest Relate.